As The Day Gets Shorter...
It’s been raining non-stop and it’s really been messing with my mood. I need to find a new way to stay motivated...Finals are around the corner. This has been one of the dullest (for lack of a better word) semesters of my life.
I’ve been having a good time with my friends, and I’ve attended lots of events on campus, but my classes have been draining. They’re not as exciting and engaging as courses I’ve taken in the past. On top of that, it’s been difficult for me to stay focused. While I don’t want to rush the final months of 2018, I can’t wait to be done with this semester.
Lately, I’ve been having trouble sleeping and have been having really strange, vivid dreams. After discussing this with my close friends, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one. Usually I don’t dream, and if I do, I don’t remember it. But recently they’ve been so real, it’s hard to distinguish them from a memory. I don’t know how else to explain it.
So far this autumn has been like one immense mirror. Finally, I’m able to see myself with patience. Most of my life I’ve felt rushed. Rushed to not figure out, but decide who I am and what I want. I’ve always known people are ever-changing, but I never was able to accept myself as temporary. I’ve always wanted a concrete sense of self. In sense of morality, I think I’ve got that established, but ambition? Not so much.
When Bruce Springsteen said “these days I’m feeling alright, except I can’t tell my courage from my desperation,” I felt that.
I’ve always felt a strong passion for something. When I have an interest in anything, Ill dive deep in it. I’ve been trying to establish a connection with literally anything that sparks my interest to fill that void. Yet, I’ve never been capable to channel that nameless passion into one specific thing. These days I’m not afraid to try new things and go to different places to find it. I have a feeling I’ll be searching for a long while.
What I’ve Been Up To
I’ve been journaling more, which I don’t know whether it's a good or bad thing. I carry it around with me all day and usually pull it out during my biology lectures. So many things come rushing to me at the most inconvenient times and I absolutely need to sort out them out. It’s served as a foundation for most of my blog posts for a while now.
I’ve been making progress on my harmonica. While I can manage my way through a song, I’m not adept enough to like, go ham and perform a melody out of my head. Not yet at least…
I’m going to be an election worker this year. My training is tonight!
On My Current Playlist
As The Day Gets Shorter
My 20th birthday is in less than 4 weeks. When I was a kid I feared growing older as much as I loved having a birthday party - which was a lot. But lately I haven't given it much thought at all. I'll probably have something to say about it as the day approaches.
Take care this fall. Listen to yourself and don't neglect where your heart is tugging you!